


Neither Snow, Nor Rain, Nor...

by Morpheus626



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26539072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morpheus626/pseuds/Morpheus626
Summary: Written for my DL server Bingo Card prompt: Delivery Person AU.Tbh, struggled with this one. But I think this little thing is decently cute and silly!The lads take up helping John deliver parts for an electrical supplies shop he works at, to bring in extra money for them all as a band (and also to survive in general, with money being tight.)That’s easy. You take the package, deliver it to the person, done! Can’t be messed up, right?Right?!
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23
Collections: Dork Lovers Server Challenges





	Neither Snow, Nor Rain, Nor...

“Long story short, it’s a really easy gig, we can all take turns at it, and they’ll pay us decently for each delivery we make,” John said. “So long as we’re careful and the various bits and bobs get where they need to be safely. I mean, it’s electrical components and things like that, so it isn’t that they aren’t sturdy, but all the same, we don’t want to roughhouse with them.” 

“You like this job, right?” Roger asked.

John nodded. 

“Yet you’re telling us about the opportunity to join you in doing it,” Roger continued. 

John nodded again. “Your point?” 

“I ask because I feel like if you enjoy the job...you wouldn’t want to introduce us to it...” Roger said. 

“I trust you all to do your best,” John said. “Also, unrelated, don’t check the shared bank account if you don’t want to be incredibly depressed.” 

“We’ve got enough for the week at least,” Brian said. 

John shook his head very, very, slowly. 

“...So when can we start helping move their deliveries?” Brian asked brightly.

“Now,” John replied, and starting handing out boxes. “We’re behind at the shop, by nearly a week. If we weren’t, I wouldn’t have been allowed to bring these home to be delivered, but the owner doesn’t care right now so long as they get to the right people and places.” 

“It’s nearly four in the afternoon,” Freddie said. “Surely that’s too late?” 

“Doesn’t matter,” John said curtly. “If people don’t like it, too bad.” 

“And if they complain to us and want an explanation?” Freddie asked. 

John shrugged. “Say sorry, hand the package over, and move on.” 

“That’s...I don’t think that will work,” Freddie said. 

“Done it before, they’ve all come back in for more parts,” John said. “Don’t waste time giving them extra words to argue over. Apologize politely, hand it over, walk away.” 

“It’s all been paid for in advance, right?” Brian asked. 

John nodded. “Literally, just hand them the package and go.” 

Roger raised his hand.

“No, you cannot toss it to them,” John said. “Or to their door. Set everything down nicely, please.” 

Roger put his hand down. 

“I’ve got maps,” John said, and handed them out. “I couldn’t have made this any easier for you.” 

\---

“Couldn’t have made this any harder,” Roger scoffed. The borrowed messenger bag full of parcels bashed into his hip with every step, as he plodded down the sidewalk with the map open. “Why not give us routes all in a straight line? On to one block, then back to another, then over again...honestly, Deaky...” 

“Why do you have all those?” 

He jumped a foot at the tiny voice by his side. “Who the fuck?” 

“Hello!” 

The kid was all of maybe six, a little boy with a lolly in hand...held by the candy itself, not the stick. “Why do you have so many boxes?” 

“It’s for a job,” Roger replied. “I’ve got to go now.” 

“Is it a good job?” 

“Jobs are just...jobs,” Roger sighed, keeping on down the pavement, the kid beside him, little legs jogging slightly to keep up. “You’ll understand when you’re older. Where’s your mum anyway?” 

“Somewhere,” the kid shrugged. “Like everybody else.” 

“And what does that mean?” Roger laughed. 

The kid shrugged again. “Can I have one of ‘em?” 

“No, they’re for the people I’m delivering to,” Roger said, and shifted the bag to his other hip, away from the kid. 

“You seem mean,” the kid frowned. “My mummy says mean people end up all alone.” 

“You should tell your mummy it takes one to know one,” Roger muttered. “Why don’t you head home?” 

The kid reached for his bag, and he swerved away wordlessly. 

But the kid tried again, dropping their candy to the ground and reaching with both hands. 

“It isn’t even anything interesting!” Roger shouted. “It’s electrical bits and what not. Nothing for kids!” 

“I don’t care,” the kid said simply, as if it should have been evident from the start. 

“Well, I don’t care that you don’t care!” Roger cried, swerving again away from the kid’s grasping hands. “Stop it!” 

He took off down the sidewalk, the kid on his heels, and swore under his breath. 

How much money could this hassle really be worth?

\---

“Erm,” Brian was squirming inside, uncomfortable with the whole situation. “It’s already been paid for, or so I was told.” 

“Mold?!” the bent-over, elderly man in front of him shouted. “No, we’re free of that scourge.” 

“Oh lord,” Brian muttered under his breath. “No...I mean you can take your money back.” 

He held out the bills for the old man, who stared at him. 

“You already paid for the parts,” Brian said loudly, slowly. 

“I what?” 

“You don’t have to give me money!” Brian tried again, desperately, pushing the money towards him. 

“Young man, that’s how selling things works! I’ve got the parts, so you get money! Don’t let your boss man hear you trying to give things away for free!” 

“No!” Brian groaned, frustrated. “Please take your money back!” 

“Slack?” the old man tilted his head. “I don’t think you’re slacking off; I didn’t say that!” 

“I know!” Brian said. “I didn’t say you did!” 

“Then what did you say?!” 

“Take your money back!!” 

“A snack? Well, that’s your own problem whenever your lunch is, young man! You can’t just ask people for food like that!” 

Brian sighed, and checked his watch. It was the first house he had stopped at, and he had now been there for twenty minutes. The end of the delivery was not in sight. 

He took a deep breath. “Sir, you already paid for the parts...” 

\---

“Hello!” he said cheerfully as a new tail wound itself around his legs, a tiny head butting against him. 

He wasn’t sure if John had given him a route with cats all over it on purpose, or if it was a happy coincidence, but either way, it was lovely. 

Freddie had a small army of cats following him from house to house now as he dropped each package off. The people he delivered to were delighted by it, and he was pleased as punch to have company. 

He reached the end of the block, and looked to the cats at his feet. “Now, I’m going to the next few blocks over. I’d imagine that’s a good way from home for all of you, so back you go, darlings!” 

The cats stared up at him. 

He frowned, and took a step forward. 

The cats followed. 

“No, you lot need to stay near your homes,” he tried again. He knew cats tended to wander, but these had all emerged from backyards and door ways as he’d passed, so he knew where they each belonged. 

He took another step, and half of the cats mewed angrily. 

“Oh...” he sighed. “Would you like me to deliver you all home as well?” 

The combined purring was ridiculously loud, and louder still as he picked one of them up, the one that had last joined their crew. 

“Alright. Now, you belonged to that yard with the little girl in it, and she’ll be happy to see you, won’t she? So let’s get you home...” 

\---

“Thanks,” John said as the door slammed in his face. 

He was used to that. It was an equal balance of normal folks making repairs to their homes, and odder ones who seemed a bit reclusive and/or like they were building something weird with all the parts he delivered. A day without a door slammed in his face after he handed over a package was a day that simply did not exist. 

He fumbled in the messenger bag for the next package, but came up empty. 

“I hope they keep up with this,” he murmured to himself as he started for Roger’s assigned set of blocks. “I’m done faster, and by now, they must be too! We’ll never be behind on deliveries again.” 

“You are terrible!” Roger’s voice carried over the next street, and John raced towards it. 

There, in the center of the street, stood Roger, arguing with a child. 

“I do not like to say that about a kid!” Roger continued. “But you are so mean! Do you treat your friends like this at school?” 

“My mummy says-” 

“Oh my god, your mummy can stuff her opinion up her fat fanny!” 

“Roger!” John called out. “What the fuck?” 

“This little shit!” Roger pointed to the kid, who smiled, showing off missing front teeth. 

“Did you get anything delivered?” 

“A few,” Roger replied desperately. “I’ve been trying! This fucker tries to snatch every package as I hand them over to people! And worse yet, people think he’s mine! Or a little brother, or something! It’s horrible!” 

“I’m only trying to help,” the kid said, lower lip stuck out. 

“Oh you are the worst,” Roger seethed. 

“Enough,” John sighed. “You go on home.” 

“M’kay!” the kid said cheerfully, and trotted back the way he’d came. 

Roger did a double take. “You’ve got to be joking. He wouldn’t listen to me at all; I begged him to go home!” 

“How much have you got left?” John asked. 

“Four,” Roger muttered. 

John nodded. “Not bad. You know, you can’t acknowledge Thomas like that, or he’ll follow you all the way back home. His mum gets distracted with his siblings, and I think he gets bored." 

“You know that tiny devil?!” Roger asked, aghast. 

“Attended his birthday party last year,” John smiled. “At his request. Mum said I made his day, doing that.” 

“I...” Roger sighed deeply. “I should get to delivering these.” 

“We’ll get them done on the way to Brian,” John said, and took the lead as they found the last four houses on Roger’s route. 

As they left the last house, they could hear Brian, shouting hoarsely. 

“Sir, please, take the fucking money!” 

He was knelt in front of a closed front door, knocking on it rapidly. 

“Oh no,” John winced. “You didn’t go to Melvin first, did you?” 

“Who?” Brian croaked as he turned around and stood. 

John nodded to the front door. “Melvin. Deaf as can be, with dementia or something to boot.” 

“Yes,” Brian said slowly. “Yes, he was my first delivery.” 

“Ah, rookie mistake,” John laughed. “But my fault, I didn’t think to warn you. We’ll help you get the rest taken care of, and now you know for next time.” 

“He paid me!” Brian scoffed, showing John the bills in his hand. 

“Yeah, like I said, his memory comes and goes. We just hang onto whatever money he gives us when we deliver to him, and his daughter comes by to collect it at the end of every week. Usually lets us keep a bit, to get a treat for everyone at the shop that day.” 

Brian looked ready to cry, and handed the money over to John as Roger trotted to him and led him to the sidewalk. 

“If it makes you feel better, I met a fucking gremlin on my route,” he said. 

“Thomas isn’t a gremlin,” John chuckled. “He’s six, and he gets bored easily, and thinks any adult wandering about during the day on their own are very cool.” 

“He’s a gremlin,” Roger hissed as they followed John to the next house on Brian’s route. 

“I’ll take your word for it,” Brian said. 

Ten houses later, Brian had no more packages, and they were on to Freddie’s route. 

“Wonder if Freddie had it any better,” John mused happily. “Since you two had such a rough go of it.” 

“Now, where is your home?” Freddie’s voice drifted towards them, and he nearly crashed into them, his eyes on the cat he was talking to, held in his arms. “How come we haven’t been able to find your home?” 

The cat meowed, and he moved past them, not even hearing their laughter as they stopped and watched him go. 

“Fred!” John called out. “Where are you going?” 

Freddie turned rapidly. “Oh! When did you lot get here?” 

“You just nearly ran into us, and walked past us,” Roger replied. “Who is that?” 

“I don’t know,” Freddie said sadly. “I’ve got all the cats that followed me round my route home, except for this one. And I can’t recall when he joined up.” 

“Did you get them all delivered?” John asked, gesturing to the messenger bag Freddie wore. 

He nodded. “But this little one was along for all of the deliveries, every block. No one knows him! I can’t believe it.” 

“Well, maybe if you set him down, he’ll find his way,” Brian said, though he didn’t look convinced of his own words. 

“No,” Freddie said. “He just follows me then.” 

As proof, he set the cat down, and rushed over to them. 

The cat followed, meowing excitedly at the chase, and purring as Freddie picked him up again. 

“There are a few strays,” John said. “On this route. Possible he’s one of those. And even if he isn’t, I’m sure we could run up some posters about a missing cat, and until we find an owner-” 

“Oh, I’ve got a spot already picked out for a bed for you,” Freddie interrupted, snuggling the cat close, who somehow purred even louder. “And we’ll get you toys and a blanket of your own so you can cuddle whenever I’m not home, and-” 

“And Freddie is going to spoil you silly,” Roger interrupted with a smile. 

“Yes, yes I am,” Freddie agreed. “He was a very good delivery cat. It’s the least I can do for him!” 

“Maybe he can come with on the next one too?” John asked. 

“...You want us to do this again?” Roger asked, clearly puzzled. 

“Yeah, if you’d like to,” John replied. “We’ll all get paid for it, and you did fine for your first time. Why not keep it up?” 

“You consider this good?” Brian chuckled. “Roger fought a child-” 

“He started it,” Roger grumbled. 

“Freddie became a cat father on accident-” 

“Happy accident,” Freddie interrupted, giving the cat a soft kiss. 

“And I...well,” Brian sighed. 

“Yeah,” John said. “Usually the delivery people end up stealing shit, and never actually deliver anything. I’m the only one that hasn’t been fired yet; that’s why the owner trusted me to bring in new people for this. None of you do any electrical work as a hobby, so you won’t steal anything, and at worst...well, what happened today would happen, and that’s really not bad at all.” 

“So...more tomorrow?” Roger asked. 

John nodded. “If you lot are up for it; there’ll be more to pick up and deliver.” 

“Are we proper delivery people now?” Brian pondered. 

“Not yet,” John replied. “Not until you meet the dog on route seven, and see if you can outrun him.” 

“That’s not funny,” Freddie laughed. “Trying to psych us out like that.” 

“Yeah, really,” Roger chuckled. 

“Honestly,” Brian shook his head. 

John didn’t laugh, and they spent the rest of the walk back home hoping beyond hope they wouldn’t get assigned route seven the next day. 

John spent it quiet, having a private giggle inside with the knowledge of the existing routes one through six written down in the notepad in his bag. He meant no harm, but it would keep them from getting overconfident. 

Plus, he couldn’t guarantee something like that wouldn’t happen on any of the actual routes. But for their sake, his sake, and the sake of the shop, he hoped it wouldn’t. 

He didn’t want to go back to doing the deliveries alone, not when having his friends with made it that much more exciting. 


End file.
